


overwhelmed

by honeyyluvr



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Domestic Hisoka, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Killua Zoldyck - Freeform, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Torture, drunken angst, gon freecs - Freeform, hisoka is there to comfort him, illumi breaks down
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:06:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25963321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyyluvr/pseuds/honeyyluvr
Summary: they’re drunk, and illumis broken.
Relationships: Hisoka & Illumi Zoldyck, Hisoka - Relationship, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 13
Kudos: 246





	overwhelmed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [angstyluv](https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstyluv/gifts).



It was bad from the start. (Not really)

Illumi new better than to even consider drinking with Hisoka. Alcohol made him vulnerable, more prone to say things he’d never say sober. He didn’t know what he was thinking when he accepted the invite, nor when he showed up at the magicians doorstep. 

Illumi no longer wore his work clothes, the pins annoyingly sticking to his skin at times. He’d changed into something more comfortable, darker clothing that suited him. 

The door flung open on the second knock, Illumi not sure what he expected. There stood Hisoka, with a smile on his face, as flamboyant as ever. Hell, he nearly smiled himself. Maybe tonight wouldn’t be so bad.

If only he’d wished just a little harder.

He was welcomed into the magicians home, not after Hisoka fussed over how good Illumi looked in black. 

The male was always like that, a flirt. Constantly saying little things an an attempt to fluster the dark haired male. It never really worked, but tonight, it made him feel nice. 

Hisokas apartment was very, well, Hisoka. It was decorated in a way some may find disturbing. Illumis favorite was the big window that overlooked the city, a nice sight during the night.

Hisoka would counter, saying his prized painting of himself was much better. He’d had it painted years ago, by a skilled nen user who no longer lived. It’d cost him double the amount of his apartment.

Worth it, he thought.

They’d settled in the living room, Hisokas invite including snacks and the cursed liquid the male called wine. Hisoka had explained the contents, along with how old it was. Illumi was thankful. He liked to know things.

Their relationship was complicated. If someone asked, Illumi wasn’t sure how he’d reply. He’d slept over before, spent nights with the magician who had a habit of begging him to let him braid his hair.

Illumi had never said no. 

They shared drinks, they shared meals. They’d even shared kisses. Occasional kisses. It was a newer addition to their relationship. He knew Hisoka wasn’t one to move slow, but he was patient. Patient for Illumi.

Maybe that’s why he’d accepted. Because he knew the male cared.

Their conversation was light, air void of any tension. Illumi was glad, sitting comfortably closer to the male. They brushed up on missions, jobs.

Hisoka did most of the talking, being llumi wasn’t the most gifted in the aspect of talking. It took him a bit longer to comprehend, and form what he wanted to say. Hence why he was more of a listener than anything.

Hisoka knew this. Always willing to explain something if the male didn’t understand. That made Illumi happy. He liked knowing things.

When it was Illumis turn, he still hadn’t grasped what he wanted to say. There was plenty to talk about, he knew that much. 

Killua had disappeared again. Slipped out through the gates one night, Illumi woke up to Kikyo shrieking his name. It was from then his job to bring killua home, but, he couldn’t.

His brother wouldn’t come willingly, and Illumi didn’t want to fight. Not just Killua, he didn’t want to fight in general. All he knew is that Killua was with Gon, and he wouldn’t come nicely.

Illumi couldn’t go home. Not without his brother in tow. If he did, he’d suffer a lot more than he wanted. 

The thought made him nervous, scooting closer to Hisoka.

He knew mother was upset with him. He couldn’t even bring home her child. He felt, useless. He was unless. He’d been told that, and was convinced it was true. Hisoka begged to differ.

The conversation continued, Illumi quiet for most of it. He’d asked a question here or there, but in the end settled with the silence.

Hisoka had stood to refill their glasses, the alcohol having finally set in. Leaving an intoxicated Illumi alone wasn’t the best. Him and his thoughts didn’t mix well.

He was thinking too much, mind fuzzy as he sat there. He was upsetting himself the longer he sat there, itching to claw at his skin. 

Hisoka returned after a moment, having noticed Illumi had made space between them. He took the hint, assuming the male needed it as he sat down. He kept his distance, knowing Illumi.

But, he was worried.

The male looked spaced out, and the magician wanted to know if he was okay.

“Illu?” He spoke.

Illumi startled, almost as if Hisoka had yelled at him. That worried Hisoka even more. “Mm?” Illumu murmured, blinking. He was out of it.

“You okay, doll?” He questioned, hesitant. Illumi wasn’t one to open up, and Hisoka didn’t want to upset him. “You seem out of it.” He continued.

The clock on the mantel chimed, distracting Illumi from Hisokas question. That happened a lot, his lack of ability to focus always piping in at times. Hisoka knew this, so he was patient. 

He repeated himself, waiting. He knew Illumis mind worked different, and he was willing to accommodate.

Illumi didn’t reply until the last chime faded, turning towards the male. “m’just thinking.” He murmured, a short answer. Hisoka could tell there was something else behind it.

He waited, letting the male think some more before he spoke. “what’s on your mind?” He murmured, tone soft. 

He didn’t want to upset him.

Illumi was quiet, trying to gather what he wanted to say. It was difficult, none the less he was intoxicated. “killua ran away again.” Hisokas jaw clenched.

Though he didn’t speak, letting the male continue. “I just- I don’t want to go home.” The last bit whispered. He’d scooted father away, wrapping an arm around one of Hisokas couch throw pillows.

He hadn’t elaborated, but Hisoka had a guess.

He’d had Illumi show up at his door countless times, bruised and bloodied. It was a sight Hisoka wished to erase. It’d gotten progressively worse since Killua started leaving, to the point Illumi had once collapsed in his doorway.

Hisoka had had enough that night, practically begging the male to let him take care of it.

Illumi had panicked, a loud no escaping him. He’d went as far as threatening Hisoka, telling him he shouldn’t even dare come in contact with Kikyo or Silva.

Hisoka had listened. But, he hadn’t missed the pain in his eyes. The dark orbs reflected, almost glossy. It broke his heart.

So, that’s really how he knew what the male went when he said he didn’t want to go home. He was about to speak up, but Illumi continued.

“I’m so- tired, Hisoka.” He murmured, voice quiet. But there was hurt, hurt that made his heart squeeze. “I try, I try so hard. I take on missions, I do my best Killua stays home. I take every damn thing they do to me, and just bow my head afterwards.” His voice is wavering, shaky. 

Hisoka swears there’s tears in his thighs.

Illumi isn’t done. “I can’t sleep anymore. And when I do I just- I can’t. I can hardly talk to you anymore, I’m so ducking anxious that I just want to claw at my skin.” He rambles, eyes watering. He’s spilling his most vulnerable thoughts.

Hisoka is confident he’s never heard Illumi speak this much at once, it was enough for him to catch the first tear fall. Illumi is broken. His pretty doll, gorgeous eyed, Illu, is shattered.

Illumi is in tears now, nearly shaking where he sits. “I just want them to be happy. I’d do anything for my parents.” He whispered, sharps nails grazing his palms. He’s nervous.

Hisoka wants badly to hold him, squeeze him tight and prey it’ll slip the pieces back into place.

If only.

Illumi had always been fragile, certain little things triggering him and sending him into a spiral as such. A reason why he’d been revoked as heir, he was broken beyond repair. Silva had realized that, and made his son kneel before him and give up his title.

Hisoka hadn’t known him back then, but he could only imagine how that felt. 

Illumi spoke between his tears, voice wavering. “I feel useless. so fucking useless.” He breathed, rubbing at his eyes at a pitiful attempt to stop crying.

One second he’s there, the next second he’s in Hisokas arms. He doesn’t complaint, if anything scoots closer and buried his face into the magicians shoulder.

The waterworks are next.

Illumi /sobs/, form trembling in Hisokas arms. It’s a heart wrenching sound, rubbing his back gently as he whispers the sweetest of things. 

“Illumi, baby. You’re not useless. Please, never think that.” He murmured, squeezing him gently. He doesn’t want him to hurt like this.

He’d much rather put a bullet between his parents head, make sure their down for good. Illumi needs healing, and he knows that isn’t possible with his selfish brothers and terrible parents.

He’s trying to get him to stop shaking, but all he can do is hold him and wait until the storm passes.

It’s a good hour before Illumis settled. He hasn’t cried in so long, all the pent up anger and emotion. His eyes are red, he’s spent and quiet as he rests in Hisokas embrace. 

Once he feels it’s safe enough, Hisoka cups his cheeks. “you mean so much to me, Illumi.” He whispers, thumbing at his cheeks. “It hurts so much to see you in pain. “

Illumi is listening, he knows as much. Hisoka leans down to kiss beneath his eyes, two gentle pecks. “stay with me.” He murmurs, voice gentle.

“we’ll run you a bath, yeah? then we’ll figure out what to do, together.”

Hisokas offering to help him. 

For the first time, Illumi accepts. He nods his head, leaning into those hands that held him as if he’d break. “okay.” He whispered.

okay.

THE END LOL

**Author's Note:**

> LMAO I wrote this based off a tiktok I saw  
> @/justagenin on tiktok. her comic with hisoka and illumi. I just decided to write it out, and make it a ship 😿 anyways hope you enjoy, leave comments pls i😁


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